Sunday, March 5, 2017

The Sunday Currently | 03

These Sunday Currently entries are simply 'reflections on the past week'. A librarian in CPU gave birth to her first son! Amazing that you simply see her strolling around with her big belly, and then seeing the baby's picture, the tiny boy who was kicking around inside her awhile ago! What joy for the mother. I'm glad they're both safe. I work with people older than me in the library and they frequently talk about marriage and family, and hearing from their experiences in childbirth, it sounds painful to bring children into the world. It made me realize again that being a mother is difficult and it takes strength and determination. I salute all mothers out there, especially my own generous mother. I admit I'm not the ideal daughter sometimes!

Yesterday was another appointment with a psychiatrist. Our EMDR sessions are done (the treatment for intrusive memories, thoughts that replay as if bad events are happening right now than the mind realizing its all in the past). Speaking of coworkers always talking about marriage, some are 'warning' me to get married before 30 if I want to have children. I nod along but it makes me feel unnecessary pressure. I told her that in my curiosity, I bought books on dating advice in Booksale but when I read them, it only made me feel depressed that I set it aside and decided not to read it. I can't do the advice it says! Deep inside my heart, it's not even a priority, I'm not even thinking about it when people don't mention it to me.

But my psychiatrist has amazing insight and advice that calmed my heart. I told her about the 'advice' in the dating book, and she asked me why would I feel insecure when I'm already doing what it says! I could read with a discerning mind and whether or not I agree or will do what it says is up to me. She told me to look at my life, my goals, and my current priorities. As for now, I want to focus on finishing my graduate degree and be in a stable career. She said that singleness is a choice, and I shouldn't feel 'pressure' from them, as everyone of us is in a different journey. Not all lives are the same, and I have to choose my own path with guidance from God.

After all, life will still have its challenges in whatever choice you make. A friend opened up to me about her marriage, where things have gotten to the point of filing a civil case against her partner. She has good reason to, with her life and safety threatened. And I thought they looked like a picture-perfect family, but they had problems (just like everybody) but I realized that life is not as rosy and happy as a curated Facebook wall. We passed by a wedding in the University Church while walking, and she said that the wedding is happy... but all couples will also end up with disagreements.

I answered, "The perfect wedding will happen when Christ returns, and we, the Church, will be the bride." I got that from the book Trapped in the Magic Mirror, saying that is the only big event we should prepare for if we truly want to have a fulfilled life!

My psychiatrist gave me a final challenge. "Go finish that book."

(But I think the book will be forgotten considering all the other more interesting books that want to be read by me! I think I need to read more on personal healing and emotional health first.)

I'm reading The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel again. When I was an agnostic gradually turning to God, I needed a book which answers the common questions of Christ's validity. The author, a journalist, set out to interview the leading scholars in Theology to disprove Jesus, but instead he found more evidence to support the reality of Christ than his prior atheism! This book was highly recommended by others, and since its going to be a movie (on the author's life) I read it again.

I'm starting a YA novel I borrowed from the library, Sea of Whispers by Tim Bowler. Its interesting so far, the setting in a remote island with few inhabitants, with a haunting atmosphere of an elder predicting doom will happen to them.

I should write/edit stories I want to submit for workshops and local anthologies. Now...

To myself singing 'Beauty for Ashes' by MidCities Worship. ☀

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